It is unlike me to share very personal stuff on this blog - I see it more as a place to share my creative process and inspirations...and I'm generally private anyhow.
But it seems it might be cathartic to explain my recent absence from posting....Plus I told my more private self "Self, your blog is not that widely-read, so it's not like we've taken out a billboard ad!"
With apologies to you who do read my blog, and prefer the art stuff - here I go, off on a tangent...
Two weeks after my mid-May post, our Mom became ill. Then fairly quickly we learned she was very ill, and had an inoperable, very advanced cancer, to which she declined so rapidly, it left me and my sister, Lisa, in a state of shock. She passed away quietly in her sleep June 13th. This loss is so large and looming (no fiber pun intended) and still so very un-processed it has placed me in a very fragile state of sadness, depression & anger, with a very shallow reservoir for coping with normal life. (whatever 'normal' is...)
One thing comforts - while the sudden nature of her leaving us is so very hard for us, we know she would not want to have lingered and continued to decline slowly over a long period of time. So her suffering was short; for that we are grateful...
But it seems it might be cathartic to explain my recent absence from posting....Plus I told my more private self "Self, your blog is not that widely-read, so it's not like we've taken out a billboard ad!"
With apologies to you who do read my blog, and prefer the art stuff - here I go, off on a tangent...
Two weeks after my mid-May post, our Mom became ill. Then fairly quickly we learned she was very ill, and had an inoperable, very advanced cancer, to which she declined so rapidly, it left me and my sister, Lisa, in a state of shock. She passed away quietly in her sleep June 13th. This loss is so large and looming (no fiber pun intended) and still so very un-processed it has placed me in a very fragile state of sadness, depression & anger, with a very shallow reservoir for coping with normal life. (whatever 'normal' is...)
One thing comforts - while the sudden nature of her leaving us is so very hard for us, we know she would not want to have lingered and continued to decline slowly over a long period of time. So her suffering was short; for that we are grateful...
Here's our Mom, looking so stylish, on a Pennsylvania spring morning 'back in the day ' (maybe Easter?) when I was about 1 and an half, and Lisa just under 3 yrs old...
Our Mom, (Elizabeth) Betty Jeanne Josephine Kohl Henderson Betz (that's a lot of names, isn't it?) was a remarkable woman who we are so incredibly lucky to have had as our mother. Encouraging, intelligent, patient, beautiful, understanding, noble, non-judgemental, kind....these are just a few words that jump to mind when describing her.
She always said she grew up along with us, since she'd started her family with our Dad fairly young (it was a different time). Mom was mellow in contrast to my sister, our Dad, and myself. We are all variations on a theme that would never be called mellow.....Mom was the picture in our dictionary next to the words 'patience' and 'supportive'. I used to joke and called her 'Zen Mom' because she was able to stay centered amidst whatever chaos was around.
Our Dad passed away many years ago, in the summer of 2002...With him, we had about a full year or more after learning his bad diagnosis. While he received treatments and adjusted to the thought of leaving this world, he had time to process everything, and we did too along with him.....so it was a very different experience...
Lisa and I have the best work ethic because of our parents. Working hard is just what you do. Paying your way. Taking in stray animals. Buying something for your loved ones - sometimes against better judgement - only because you want to make them happy. Watch your debts, don't borrow too much and always pay them back. Help when asked. Being there, but not nagging if things go wrong. Not causing guilt, ever. They only ever wanted the best for us, and did whatever they could to provide it.
We are really going to miss you, Mom....but am glad to think that maybe some energies of you and Dad are having a conversation now. Knowing that we love you both so much, and are so proud to have been your children, even if it wasn't for as long as we wanted...
Thanks for letting me share.
Our Mom, (Elizabeth) Betty Jeanne Josephine Kohl Henderson Betz (that's a lot of names, isn't it?) was a remarkable woman who we are so incredibly lucky to have had as our mother. Encouraging, intelligent, patient, beautiful, understanding, noble, non-judgemental, kind....these are just a few words that jump to mind when describing her.
She always said she grew up along with us, since she'd started her family with our Dad fairly young (it was a different time). Mom was mellow in contrast to my sister, our Dad, and myself. We are all variations on a theme that would never be called mellow.....Mom was the picture in our dictionary next to the words 'patience' and 'supportive'. I used to joke and called her 'Zen Mom' because she was able to stay centered amidst whatever chaos was around.
Our Dad passed away many years ago, in the summer of 2002...With him, we had about a full year or more after learning his bad diagnosis. While he received treatments and adjusted to the thought of leaving this world, he had time to process everything, and we did too along with him.....so it was a very different experience...
Lisa and I have the best work ethic because of our parents. Working hard is just what you do. Paying your way. Taking in stray animals. Buying something for your loved ones - sometimes against better judgement - only because you want to make them happy. Watch your debts, don't borrow too much and always pay them back. Help when asked. Being there, but not nagging if things go wrong. Not causing guilt, ever. They only ever wanted the best for us, and did whatever they could to provide it.
We are really going to miss you, Mom....but am glad to think that maybe some energies of you and Dad are having a conversation now. Knowing that we love you both so much, and are so proud to have been your children, even if it wasn't for as long as we wanted...
Thanks for letting me share.
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